I was chatting to a friend of mine the other day about our past dating experiences; the good, the bad and the down right ugly!! We shared our tales of the ‘ones that got away’ and the ones that should have stayed far away in the first place! However one of the stories she told me had me rolling on the floor with laughter by the end of it, to such a degree that I felt compelled to share it (with her permission of course) with all of our readers. Her's was a dating drama the likes of which I’d never heard before! Over the next five weeks find out how her tale unfolds. Here is Part 1:

 I once read a book called ‘Yes man’, by Danny Wallace. I’d read his previous books and thought his combination of geeky humour and random ideas were completely brilliant, so was more than happy to fork out for his latest book. The basic premise for the book was that he decided one day without telling his friends to say ‘yes’ to everyone and anyone who requested anything of him.

 Feeling slightly disappointed at the lack of talent at my Uni, I pondered the genius of the ‘yes philosophy’ and whilst discussing the lack of hot guys on offer with friends, I secretly wondered if this theory could be adapted as a way out of a dating rut.

 At the time I was working part time in a local night club and regularly came across a plethora of men who tried to chat me up over the bar. I didn’t mind at all chatting to them but always put their advances down to sheer drunkenness or an attempt to get a free beer! I had also made it a rule to never give my phone number (at least my real one) out at work too.

 So after mulling over the idea for a couple of days I decided to just go for it....to say yes to every guy who asked for my phone number and this is my diary of what happened with those encounters:

Date Number One:

‘Mr T’

 The first date to evolve from my new found ‘yes philosophy,’ came a week later in the form of ‘T,’ a 25 year old estate agent who worked in Putney. When his text reading ‘looking forward to meeting you ‘T,’ came through I searched my mind to try and remember what this person looked like...... was he some kind of ghetto estate agent who was so cool his name required just one letter?! Or perhaps he was a big fan of Mr T and stole his idol’s letter in homage?! My mind could not recall meeting such a character, however I was slightly excited at the prospect of dating a potential gangster or at the very least someone who owned more jewellery then me!

 My excitement however was short lived! When a mini branded with an estate agents logos pulled up outside and a fairly normal (average height, mousy brown hair, blue eyed) looking guy (no gold chains... not even a ring) stood on my doorstep.

 He kissed me on the cheek as he greeted me and instantly he reminded me of Zippy from the kids TV show ‘Rainbow,’ as he had a really big smile and a round slightly chubby face.

 There was no twinkle in my eye when I first saw him unfortunately, but I did feel my heart quicken when he said we were off to Soho for Chinese food (Wahey!).

 As we drove we chatted about places we’d been, his job, Uni and what we loved about London. He seemed impressed that I’d been snowing boarding recently and told me about the ‘extreme’ things he’d done and wanted to do (fair to say they weren’t that extreme)! 

 The conversation flowed easily, but I didn’t take this as a sign because it’s in my nature to be able to chat to pretty much anyone and unfortunately I didn’t really find him that attractive.  He wasn’t bad looking, there just wasn’t any chemistry between us. I pushed my doubts aside, enjoyed the meal and basked in the chaotic splendour that is Soho. ‘T’ got me to try Saki, a traditional Japanese drink (which was disgusting by the way), but I was impressed he’d manage to lure me into trying something new! As he drove me back home he pointed out touristy things like Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament, it was almost like he was trying to sell me the area (totally unnecessary- I’d lived in London for a year at this point). I found his efforts endearing though and his slight nervousness rather sweet.

 As we got back outside my house I suddenly became the nervous one when he said he wanted to show me something he’d got in his boot (alarm bells)..............!

FIND OUT NEXT WEEK WHAT "MR T" HAD IN HIS BOOT!!

..........By this point in the evening I had resigned myself to thinking that this was a nice guy that I definitely didn’t fancy and didn’t want to kiss goodnight! So I had already begun to plan a hasty exist. I was totally flummoxed as to what to do when he went to his boot..... I began to wonder if I’d completely misjudged this guy and every horror film I’d ever seen ran through my mind! What on earth was he going to pull out?! I wasn’t sure what to do; whether I should sit in his mini and accept my fate in a dignified fashion (death by estate agent - great!) or high tail it to the safety and warmth of my flat a few hundred yards away?
 
 Out of politeness (and fear) I sat still! As he got back in he sat down with something that looked like a diary in his hands. My relief was almost tangible! However it was replaced quickly with curiosity and then bewilderment, as he started to read to me some of his MOST RECENT INSIGHTFUL POETRY (yeah I know)!! I sat and listened for a good 15 minutes, nodding appreciatively and making ‘mmm’ noises when I thought it right. I was completely bemused as to why on a first date this guy would want to share the inner most thoughts of his soul with me, in rhyming couplets (that didn’t rhyme properly)! I guess he figured being into drama I’d like it..... FYI I do like poetry, but on a first date, really??! He wasn’t exactly Thomas Hardy!

 By the time he had finished I was stifling yawns. The air was cold outside and so was my mood! I thought the guy was sweet, creative and brave for sharing his ‘work’ with me (and I don’t want to sound mean) but I couldn’t help think he was a little um... strange! Finally I plucked up the courage to say goodbye and leave. He attempted to kiss me but I jumped out briskly and thanked him for a lovely evening.

  Approximately 30 seconds later my phoned beeped…....it was a message from ‘T’ saying what a wonderful night he’d had and what a connection he thought we shared. I couldn’t believe it, he could not have been more wrong! I thanked him out of politeness and said goodnight.

When I didn’t respond to texts he sent over the next few days he showed up a week later at my work (note to reader do not use ‘yes’ philosophy in a place of work, as dates can easily find you)! I was mortified and completely embarrassed. He acted annoyed so I tried to be friendly and say we should be friends, but he seemed really angry! The following week he acted even more annoyed when he saw me chatting to Chris at the bar (another of my ‘yes projects’). ‘T’ did come into the club again after that but Chris’ glare kept him away thankfully.

And there you have it, date number one! No match made in heaven, no magical chemistry, just some Saki, a tour of the city and a rather weird ‘in car’ poetry reading!

(Reader tip number 1: Know when to cut your losses and call it a night!!)

Date Number Two

‘Andrew the actor’

 When Andrew text me to arrange a date I immediately remembered meeting him two nights previously. He was a happy, smiley actor, who also played rugby (what a rare combo I’d thought)!

 I met Andrew in a bar in Putney and straight away noticed how different he looked wearing glasses (he’d had contacts in at the club). He looked really studious and sexy, I liked it! He was a well built, dark haired guy, with a hint of stubble and he was wearing conservative looking clothes.

 Unfortunately once again my heart didn’t skip a beat when I saw him, but I was excited about how much I thought we’d have in common both having a theatrical back ground, plus he was a bit of a hunk!

 Sadly again I found my excitement was short lived! To my astonishment, he spent the first fifteen minutes of the date talking about his recent split with his ex (never a good sign), who he’d lived with for six years and who’d cheated on him. He went on to tell me in great detail why his ex was such a bitch! I would have empathised with him if he hadn’t sounded so mean and bitter.

 To be honest I was completely confused as to why he’d asked me out in the first place!?  He most definitely wasn’t up for any romance that was for sure! I thought that maybe he was just nervous, so I tried to divert the conversation to theatre. He told me briefly about his recent role in ‘The Mouse Trap’ and said he even get me tickets! I was delighted! I was about to ask him one of a million questions I had about the play when he somehow managed to swing the conversation right back round to his ex yet again! I tried to be sympathetic but soon became incredibly bored (as you can imagine).

 It got to the point where I completely switched off and it was at this time I noticed his body language was to say the least, rather strange.........

FIND OUT NEXT WEEK WHAT WAS SO STRANGE ABOUT "ANDREW THE ACTOR'S" BODY LANGUAGE!!

Date Number Four

“Matt the Barman”

 Matt was the only guy I went on a date with during this time, that I already knew. He worked at a bar down the road and he and his friends regularly came into the club for drinks when their place closed.

 Matt had been asking for my number for weeks, so to his joy (not being big headed it was true!!), his persistence paid off when he asked again during the ‘yes week.’ It wasn’t that I didn’t fancy him, I just knew him and saw how he constantly jumped between women on a weekly/hourly basis, so never bothered taking him seriously.

 We met up for our date before my shift at work the following Friday. When I arrived he greeted me with his usual ‘hug and kiss on the cheek’ way.

 This date was completely different from all the other dates I’d been on, mainly because it didn’t feel like a date (I’d know him for about 6 months) and didn’t really think of him in that way. However when I turned up that night it struck me how hot he was! Tall, slim, dark hair, green eyes and is incredibly well spoken (the kind of guy that calls his twenty- four year old mates ‘old chap’).

 The banter flowed easily, Matt was being his usual flirty self and insisted we order an ice-cream Sunday (to share), that arrived complete with sparklers (smooth)!

 I was having a great time with him, but just didn’t look at him in a sexual way. He flirted with me a fair amount but he’s the kind of guy who flirts with everyone so I didn’t get the impression anything was going to happen.

 He then came up with the splendid idea of doing Jager bombs (which I was a huge fan of). FYI in case you were wondering a jager bomb is a shot of Jagermeister (in a shot glass), in a glass half full of Redbull! Suffice to say they’re not designed to be a social drink and after a few you become rather intoxicated!

 Anyway I happily downed the first round with him, then the 2nd and the 3rd  and the 4th (I know what you’re thinking, you know exactly where this is going)! I was having such a brilliant time I almost forgot I had work later. I’m not entirely sure what happened for the rest of the evening (I vaguely remember dancing in the street and generously donating to a homeless person). I know that I definitely went to work and apparently I worked for about an hour before I closed my bar and went to the ladies where I completely passed out (not one of my finer moments)!

 The next day I woke with a severe hang over, no money in my purse, about 5 missed calls from Matt (apparently I left him without saying goodbye), a text from my boss saying he wanted to know why my till was down (eek!), and to my house mates telling me the night club bouncers had put me in a cab and called them to let them know I was on my way! How embarrassing! I spent the rest of my day hiding under my duvet.

 Luckily my boss didn’t fire me even though my till was £70 down (think I was giving away drinks left right and centre) and amazingly despite my rudeness and general lack of decorum Matt requested another date! I considered agreeing but eventually declined on the basis that I valued my liver too much and because I didn’t see him as anything more than a friend. Matt was cool about it and I stayed friends with him for some time, but I definitely haven’t touched a jager bomb since!

(Reader tip number 4: Don’t drink too much on a first date)!

After my few of weeks of ‘yes dates,’ I hadn’t really found anyone who had swept me off my feet, but I definitely did have some rather random, memorable experiences, some of them good, some of them not so good! During this time I also dated a banker, a police officer, another estate agent, and a guy from my Uni but none of the dates were exciting enough to write home about. It was definitely a lot of fun but I decided in future I'd stick to my instincts!

A big thank you to my anonymous friend who provided me with this hilarious tale of (what turned out to be) dating disasters. It’s safe to say she definitely learnt her lesson and I can confirm that she no longer chooses her dates with such nonchalance!!

Awards season is in full swing - but who cares about Best Director Under 5'8" In A Film About Geese when there are celebrity relationships to analyse to death? These are a few alternative awards we've come up with to honour some of the most headline-grabbing romances around. Somehow, we think they might pull the old "Unfortunately, the winner couldn't be here tonight..." trick when they find out.

Most Predictable Sequel

Everyone knows getting back with an ex is a bad idea... until they're in the situation themselves, of course. When Jude and Sienna rekindled their romance last year, we were all morbidly anticipating just how they'd break up this time. After all, it couldn't really be any worse than Nannygate of years ago. Well, they're now, predictably, over, and with whisperings of Sienna getting cosy with a hot co-star (who, for maximum revenge, has a lot more hair than dirty Jude), could it be that she's wreaked the perfect revenge on the man who broke her heart? We hope so, as we're not sure we can deal with "Jude's Back: The Final Nightmare".

Best Supporting Actress(es)

Nobody likes it when their significant other has exes hanging around like a bad smell - or, even worse, like a pleasant and rather attractive smell. That's why everyone who's ever dated Simon Cowell deserves an award for somehow being able to grin and bear it when he takes various combinations of physically interchangeable old flames on holiday with him. Sinitta, Jackie, Mezghan - Simon's got enough love for his whole harem (with plenty left over for his little darling Cheryl) and they seem to love him enough to put up with it. We guess all that money probably softens the blow.

Lifetime Achievement for Drama

There could only be one winner... Miss Katie Price/ Reid/ Andre/whatever. At the time of writing, Jordan and Pete are still at each other's throats, and she's working out divorce details with Alex, but all this could well have changed by the end of this sentence. Now that she's been honoured with this prestigious Lifetime Achievement gong, we hope she takes the hint and retires. We're exhausted by her endlessly stressful personal life, so we can only imagine how she feels - no wonder she needs so much surgery. Saying that, we're also secretly desperate to know who her next victim will be.

Best On-Screen Chemistry

There are many celebrity relationships we're not entirely convinced by, but Cheryl Cole and Derek Hough are at the top of the list (although they're only two or three staged photo opportunities away from being ousted by Peter Andre and Elen Rivas). Cheryl and Derek have never said they're a couple, but they've never said they're not either. Instead, they like to mutter ambiguous things about how "close" they are and what a "rock" dancing Derek is, while being caught on camera together doing everything but actually kissing. That way, if the whole thing's ever exposed as a big fauxmance, they can't actually be accused of lying. Clever huh? Of course, maybe they're actually deeply in love, just like... um... Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?

Best Newcomers

A number of relatively new on the scene celebrities have been very - how do we put it politely? -  "active" over the last year, but The Saturdays have done the best job of making sure the various twists and turns in their love lives hit the headlines most days. Not just on Saturdays, in fact. Of course, it helps that there are five of them for maximum mix 'n' match opportunities. One of them likes to split up and get back together with one of JLS over and over again. One of them likes to do the same with one of McFly over and over again, although has now snared Wayne Bridge, which we're not sure is strictly an upgrade. But hey, they're young and gorgeous, so should be applauded for making the most of all the male attention - we'd do the same in their enviable position. Still, they need to get some even more high profile love interests before we're actually prepared to learn their individual names.

..............He was sat with his legs spread as far apart as humanly possible!! It was so off putting, I couldn’t possibly look anywhere other than at his crotch! I mentally told myself off for staring but couldn’t help wondering if he did in fact have the biggest schlong in the world, or the biggest inferiority complex?! I glanced around the dimly lit bar to see if any other guys were sat in this bizarre way, but he was definitely the only one!
 
 As the night wore on he got a text from his ‘ex’ and by this time I was convinced he was married (although there was no evidence of a ring) and I tactfully made my excuses and left. I didn’t think he’d even noticed and I was so surprised when I received a text requesting another date! I replied saying I thought he needed to work it out with his ex before we had another rendezvous, but he insisted it was over and was persistent in his texts. So I decided to do the honourable thing and just ignore his texts!!

 I was amazingly disappointed with this date. No banter, no chat of playwrights, practitioners or even a glimmer of the cheeky humorous lad I’d met in the club, just a very sober, upset man (with extremely weird body language), who needed someone to listen to him. I did feel quite sorry for him though and hoped he’d managed to make it up with his ex (I never did find out).

(Reader tip number 2: Do not try ‘yes’ philosophy on very drunken men- they may seem more captivating, humorous and friendly than the sober versions of themselves!)

Date Number Three

‘The American’

 When this guy text me to arrange a date, I wasn’t exactly jumping up and down. I remembered him to be an overzealous, extremely drunk guy, who I’d begrudgingly given my number to the previous evening.

 I was however fairly excited about the fact he was American and shrugged off my negativity remembering that he would (probably) seem less arrogant when he was sober. So I replied and arranged to meet him in town.

 He was a tall guy, with blonde hair, a smooth tanned complexion and piercing blue eyes (sounds good right?!). I greeted him happily and was pleased that he was much better looking than I’d remembered (having last seen him sliding on his knees across the club dance floor).

 He was full of energy and a stark contrast to Andrew, so as we chatted and drank I excitedly asked about his life in LA. I was keen to find out if the stereotypes of LA I’d grown up watching on TV rang true, and he was clearly pleased at my interest. He then launched into a lengthy monologue about fraternities, American football and food. I was enjoying his chat (for the first forty minutes or so) but after a while became aware that he hadn’t asked me one single question about myself. 

 As the evening went on the boredom started to set in! He was good-looking and full of energy but didn’t seem at all bothered in finding out anything about me. Even when I offered information he managed to swiftly turn the conversation back round to himself. 

 At one point he went into great detail about the rules of American football! Now I’m not being funny but I don’t mind football or rugby, but it’s safe to say I appreciate the hot guys running around in shorts rather than the sport itself, let alone the rules!!

 He seemed like a good guy, but his inability to let anyone else speak put me right off him. So eventually I made excuses about having an early class and hurried to the tube station in the rain, slightly gutted that we didn’t hit it off (because he was pretty hot)!

 You may notice this guy doesn’t have a name.....well I’m quite sure he did, but almost 4 years later I can’t for the life of me remember what it was...Joel or Jake maybe? We’ll call him Jake!!

(Reader tip number 3: Guys, no monologing on the first date, especially about the detailed rules of a sport!!)


FIND OUT NEXT WEEK HOW THE FINAL DATE WENT, COULD HE BE "THE ONE?!"